I can't believe it - G is 8.
Funny how time flies. I remember him being an infant, and the days dragging by. He was a colicky, silent refluxy baby. Feedings took, on average, 45 minutes and involved lots of screaming (on his part) and a fair amount of crying (me). I sometimes thought I'd never survive his infancy - thanks PPD for those thoughts.
But I survived...and I've made it through a fall off the changing table, a fall down the stairs, a rather large egg on his forehead, a face plant at daycare on his first birthday, a tumble off the top of a twisty slide...calls about his biting, then hitting, the overall aggression...calls about his explaining what the word "erection" meant...stomach bugs and strept throat and random fever viruses...and a mystery chin lump that was temporarily suspected to be a tumor (thank God it was a bone bruise). I've read more books out loud - sometimes the same ones every day for a month - than I ever thought possible. We logged hundreds of miles with the jog stroller and planted 5 gardens. I've been infected by his colds and also by his hysterical giggle.
Motherhood is an amazing and incredibly overwhelming and daunting journey. I was afraid to do it.
And now that I've jumped in feet first - I don't regret it. I don't need to do it again - I am complete with my one child - but I'm glad I took that chance.
Happy birthday G. Sometimes it's hard to remember what life was like without you here. I love you, Baby Bear. :-)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
blogger ate my post! or at least I thought so
I just wrote this well thought-out, insightful, important post.
I went to post it.
BLAM. I lost it.
Oh I am so very sad.
I found it. Thank goodness for auto-save. ;-)
I went to post it.
BLAM. I lost it.
Oh I am so very sad.
I found it. Thank goodness for auto-save. ;-)
a series of moments
When I was a senior in high school, building my yearbook "page" (just about this time, a whopping 19 years ago - God help me), I was on a hunt for good quotes. This was long before the Internet, let alone Google - so my resources were thin. A good place for quotes was Reader's Digest, of all things - and my grandfather had been giving my mother a subscription to the damn thing for eons by then.
So I grabbed a few copies and sat down and found my talisman almost immediately.
"You never know when you're making a memory."
I thought, at 17, that I understood what that meant. And in my own 17 year old way, I did.
But now, from the perspective of a 36 year old - you know, older and older - I feel like I get it in a different and deeper and more humbled way.
Life is a series of events and experiences and moments. Many of them are the mundane, the day to day, the must do - especially when you get past the bliss and optimism of being 17.
I was thinking about this quote and this reality today - a day which by all accounts started out in the mundane, the ordinary, the must-do - and had some moments I will never forget dispersed within. None of those moments were so momentous (I don't think) that I would rank them in the top 10 moments of my life - but they were moments that meant something - that mean something.
There was a little epiphany in the midst of a chaotic workday, where everyone around me was frustrated and angry and stressed (as was I). It was a realization that after months of being really hurt and angry and truly heartbroken in some ways by the actions of someone important in my life - I've moved beyond the day-to-day pain...I don't know how. I wished for that moment over and over for the last 6 months and there it appeared, unexpected, in the middle of a conversation about shoes of all things. It was just a realization that that biting hurt that had been sitting under the surface for months - it was missing.
A memory. A moment.
This prompted another realization - that I am so blessed to have some of the friends I have in my life.
I know, aren't we all?
But I am an extremely guarded person. Over the years, I have been accused by friends, lovers, and strangers alike of being both snobby and standoffish. I am neither - I think I am a warm and genuine person who loves deeply and cares too much about people. But I am guarded. I have been hurt so many times by people I loved, by friends who were important to me - so me letting people into who the TRUE Andrea is - it's a frightening proposition for me and it generally only occurs after months of careful consideration.
So the fact that I have a small collection of good, close friends, with whom I've shared my biggest triumphs, my deepest fears, and my lowest lows. Some know just how much I struggle, how false (not phony, just occasionally misleading) my outwardly confident persona is at times...how much I question my every decision, my every move, the feelings that are in my core. These are people I love with all my heart.
I'm lucky.
And it was that silly, light-hearted, odd ball conversation about shoes and the virtues of zappos.com and piperlime.com...a nothing conversation in the broad scheme of memories and moments, that triggered this understanding of this feeling of peace, and this reminder of how lucky I am.
So to the friends I love so dearly, and trust with my deepest fears and secrets - thank you from the bottom of my heart. In ways that that naive and scared 17 year old never would have anticipated, my life is far more confusing, complicated, hard, and amazing that I expected - and it's only because I have such amazing friends that I can walk through it with only an occasional nervous breakdown.
Life is a series of moments, memories. And today - today there were moments, meaningful moments.
So I grabbed a few copies and sat down and found my talisman almost immediately.
"You never know when you're making a memory."
I thought, at 17, that I understood what that meant. And in my own 17 year old way, I did.
But now, from the perspective of a 36 year old - you know, older and older - I feel like I get it in a different and deeper and more humbled way.
Life is a series of events and experiences and moments. Many of them are the mundane, the day to day, the must do - especially when you get past the bliss and optimism of being 17.
I was thinking about this quote and this reality today - a day which by all accounts started out in the mundane, the ordinary, the must-do - and had some moments I will never forget dispersed within. None of those moments were so momentous (I don't think) that I would rank them in the top 10 moments of my life - but they were moments that meant something - that mean something.
There was a little epiphany in the midst of a chaotic workday, where everyone around me was frustrated and angry and stressed (as was I). It was a realization that after months of being really hurt and angry and truly heartbroken in some ways by the actions of someone important in my life - I've moved beyond the day-to-day pain...I don't know how. I wished for that moment over and over for the last 6 months and there it appeared, unexpected, in the middle of a conversation about shoes of all things. It was just a realization that that biting hurt that had been sitting under the surface for months - it was missing.
A memory. A moment.
This prompted another realization - that I am so blessed to have some of the friends I have in my life.
I know, aren't we all?
But I am an extremely guarded person. Over the years, I have been accused by friends, lovers, and strangers alike of being both snobby and standoffish. I am neither - I think I am a warm and genuine person who loves deeply and cares too much about people. But I am guarded. I have been hurt so many times by people I loved, by friends who were important to me - so me letting people into who the TRUE Andrea is - it's a frightening proposition for me and it generally only occurs after months of careful consideration.
So the fact that I have a small collection of good, close friends, with whom I've shared my biggest triumphs, my deepest fears, and my lowest lows. Some know just how much I struggle, how false (not phony, just occasionally misleading) my outwardly confident persona is at times...how much I question my every decision, my every move, the feelings that are in my core. These are people I love with all my heart.
I'm lucky.
And it was that silly, light-hearted, odd ball conversation about shoes and the virtues of zappos.com and piperlime.com...a nothing conversation in the broad scheme of memories and moments, that triggered this understanding of this feeling of peace, and this reminder of how lucky I am.
So to the friends I love so dearly, and trust with my deepest fears and secrets - thank you from the bottom of my heart. In ways that that naive and scared 17 year old never would have anticipated, my life is far more confusing, complicated, hard, and amazing that I expected - and it's only because I have such amazing friends that I can walk through it with only an occasional nervous breakdown.
Life is a series of moments, memories. And today - today there were moments, meaningful moments.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
thanks for the craptastic video
I was on Facebook tonight (shocking - I know) and I saw something pop up on the right side of my screen about Sarah McLachlan.
SIDE PAUSE / NOTE - I absolutely adore Sarah. I have been to the Lilith Fair twice. I have all her CDs. Her music brings back 2 very distinct and yet somehow oddly interrelated periods of my life, and while the memories of them are, well, confusing and sometimes somewhat consuming...they also make me smile. So she's kind of a big deal to me. Geez I'm a dork.
ANYWAY...I had to check it out. She's got a new album coming out in June, which I'm thrilled about. But it said she had a single out from it already. "One Dream". And off to YouTube I went, where I found it immediately. Turns out it was one of the theme songs for the Winter Olympics this year. I totally get that now that I've listened to it. The song isn't bad...but what the hell is up with the stupid video? Can you say WAY TOO MUCH SKATING?!?!?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJMaDxjjc6s
So thanks for attempting to tarnish a decent song with a shitty video, whomever it is that made the choice to put these particular clips to this song. I get it, I really do -but give me a fucking break.
Rant over. And out.
SIDE PAUSE / NOTE - I absolutely adore Sarah. I have been to the Lilith Fair twice. I have all her CDs. Her music brings back 2 very distinct and yet somehow oddly interrelated periods of my life, and while the memories of them are, well, confusing and sometimes somewhat consuming...they also make me smile. So she's kind of a big deal to me. Geez I'm a dork.
ANYWAY...I had to check it out. She's got a new album coming out in June, which I'm thrilled about. But it said she had a single out from it already. "One Dream". And off to YouTube I went, where I found it immediately. Turns out it was one of the theme songs for the Winter Olympics this year. I totally get that now that I've listened to it. The song isn't bad...but what the hell is up with the stupid video? Can you say WAY TOO MUCH SKATING?!?!?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJMaDxjjc6s
So thanks for attempting to tarnish a decent song with a shitty video, whomever it is that made the choice to put these particular clips to this song. I get it, I really do -but give me a fucking break.
Rant over. And out.
this working mom stuff
Ok. I have been a working mom since G was 3 months old, full time since he was 3 years old. I love my kid and I love my career. And I like to think I've gotten pretty good at the juggling act. Oh, I'm exhausted and I never feel like I do quite enough or have enough time...and sometimes I feel guilty that I don't get to G's classroom. But I feel like I've hit a groove.
Usually.
But sometimes...not so much.
Today was "Take Your Child to Work Day". I originally ignored the emails about it at my work because I knew G would be going in with Gregg - he did last year and I figured it would be the same this year. Also, honestly, I get SO many emails every day, I fully admit, I deleted the first couple about the program at our work without reading them. OOPSIE.
By the time the third notification (I think?) came out, I noticed, and asked G if he wanted to come to my work instead. He was very excited but I warned him that I thought I'd missed the window to sign him up. I told him I'd find out.
Lucky for me, my division is small and I pretty much know everyone. So I ran into one of the chairpersons of the event the next day and she actually mentioned it to me. "Is G coming to Take Your Kid to Work Day??" I said "Oh I thought I had missed the sign-up deadline." She said "NAH, we want him to come! He's 8, right?"
Uh...nope. Not until May. "Oh no! Really? Oh crap. We just turned down someone whose kid turns 8 this summer...it was really controversial. We'll never get G through."
DARNIT!
I delivered the bad news to G that night, who thought it was dumb "Other 2nd graders get to go if they are 8 but not me? What the HECK MOM?" but when I reminded him that Dad could still take him...phew!
Anyway, I have admittedly been disappointed since then - but I've been trying not to think about it.
However, today, I had no choice. Today was the day - and I was kind of excited to see all of the other peoples' kids. It's a curiosity thing. You may know your co-workers are also parents, but you rarely get to see them in that vein. But Take Your Kid to Work day exposes that facet of them - and it's neat to watch.
Problem is - I sit right near the cafeteria. Which is where they had all of today's events. And while I occasionally have a pang of missing G at work, that's really subsided lately, now that he's in school all day.
Except today.
It took me almost the entire day to figure out why I felt so damn unsettled. I mean, I often feel unsettled but it was different today. I felt wrong - like I wanted to run out of there and go - somewhere. I wasn't even sure where.
It dawned on me when I went to get myself some water. They had "Earth" on the widescreen TV for the kids and some of the parents were watching with them...just snuggling or hanging with there kids.
And there it was. I missed G. I missed him in a way I don't miss him at work on a normal ordinary day. I just wanted him there with me, because that felt like it was *right*.
The feeling passed when I got home. G and I had a "date" today - we were going to go for his very first run! And run we did - 1.2 miles and no walking. I'm so proud of him. And I think I cherished that little bit of time a little more today.
I'll be back to my in the groove boring old working mom self tomorrow - but today, it unnerved me a little. It let a bit of that working mom guilt back in. Of course, if I didn't work...I couldn't be sad about not taking my kid to work - ironically enough.
Usually.
But sometimes...not so much.
Today was "Take Your Child to Work Day". I originally ignored the emails about it at my work because I knew G would be going in with Gregg - he did last year and I figured it would be the same this year. Also, honestly, I get SO many emails every day, I fully admit, I deleted the first couple about the program at our work without reading them. OOPSIE.
By the time the third notification (I think?) came out, I noticed, and asked G if he wanted to come to my work instead. He was very excited but I warned him that I thought I'd missed the window to sign him up. I told him I'd find out.
Lucky for me, my division is small and I pretty much know everyone. So I ran into one of the chairpersons of the event the next day and she actually mentioned it to me. "Is G coming to Take Your Kid to Work Day??" I said "Oh I thought I had missed the sign-up deadline." She said "NAH, we want him to come! He's 8, right?"
Uh...nope. Not until May. "Oh no! Really? Oh crap. We just turned down someone whose kid turns 8 this summer...it was really controversial. We'll never get G through."
DARNIT!
I delivered the bad news to G that night, who thought it was dumb "Other 2nd graders get to go if they are 8 but not me? What the HECK MOM?" but when I reminded him that Dad could still take him...phew!
Anyway, I have admittedly been disappointed since then - but I've been trying not to think about it.
However, today, I had no choice. Today was the day - and I was kind of excited to see all of the other peoples' kids. It's a curiosity thing. You may know your co-workers are also parents, but you rarely get to see them in that vein. But Take Your Kid to Work day exposes that facet of them - and it's neat to watch.
Problem is - I sit right near the cafeteria. Which is where they had all of today's events. And while I occasionally have a pang of missing G at work, that's really subsided lately, now that he's in school all day.
Except today.
It took me almost the entire day to figure out why I felt so damn unsettled. I mean, I often feel unsettled but it was different today. I felt wrong - like I wanted to run out of there and go - somewhere. I wasn't even sure where.
It dawned on me when I went to get myself some water. They had "Earth" on the widescreen TV for the kids and some of the parents were watching with them...just snuggling or hanging with there kids.
And there it was. I missed G. I missed him in a way I don't miss him at work on a normal ordinary day. I just wanted him there with me, because that felt like it was *right*.
The feeling passed when I got home. G and I had a "date" today - we were going to go for his very first run! And run we did - 1.2 miles and no walking. I'm so proud of him. And I think I cherished that little bit of time a little more today.
I'll be back to my in the groove boring old working mom self tomorrow - but today, it unnerved me a little. It let a bit of that working mom guilt back in. Of course, if I didn't work...I couldn't be sad about not taking my kid to work - ironically enough.
Monday, April 12, 2010
nothing is ever simple
I fully admit - occasionally I look at my kid and am jealous of the simplicity of his life. The moment passes quickly, though, because I know it isn't simple to him. When you're in second grade, the teacher getting frustrated with you, or your fighting with your "BFF" over who really was first in line is a really big deal.
It's just to this 36 year old, who's had a weird day, decade, whatever - I long for the simplicity over fighting over who was first in line - because I just don't care.
I'm in an introspective mood, with a bit of pity party thrown in for good measure. I feel like there is a lot weighing on my mind. What else is new, really, right?
I have a good friend, someone who'd do just about anything for me, about whom I'm worried - very worried - who is unreachable, so I sit here thinking I should do more, and knowing there isn't a damn thing I can do except maybe be the same friend I've been for the last 2 decades.
I spent Friday night giggling with friends and watching an undercurrent of gossip turn bits of that really fun time into nastyness. It reminded me again of how mean we women can be to each other - although I don't really understand why. Jealousy? Boredom? Some inherent meanness that we use as a defense mechanism? I don't know. Geez I wish I did - that would be some powerful armor I could wear to fight it.
I also saw my shrink tonight for the first time in 2 months. That always gets me thinking.
So no worries. I'm ok, I promise. My sarcastic self will likely be back tomorrow, especially if I get my suddenly seemed to gain 3 lbs ass to the gym. I saw unitard man there last time - looking forward to that again tomorrow...err...not.
I'll close with a nice little song I found tonight. I love Mindy Smith - a recent discovery thanks to Pandora...and this is one of her most lovely songs. The lyrics are beautiful, too - so I've included them as well. I think all of us have been in this position at least once - and for some of us, maybe it's a recurring theme.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_jG2SXlkpU
Mindy Smith, One Moment More Lyrics
Mindy Smith, One Moment More Lyrics
Hold me
Even though I know you're leaving
And show me
All the reasons you would stay
It's just enough to feel your breath on mine
To warm my soul and ease my mind
You've go to hold me and show me love
Give me
Just one part of you to cling to
And keep me
Everywhere you are
It's just enough to steal my heart and run
And fade out with the falling sun
Oh, please don't go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
You've got to hold me and keep me
Tell me that someday you'll be returning
And maybe
Maybe I'll believe
It's just enough to see a shooting star
To know you're never really far
It's just enough to see a shooting star
To know you're never really gone
Oh, please don't go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
Oh, please don't go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
You've got to hold me and maybe I'll believe
So hold me
Even though I know you're leaving
It's just to this 36 year old, who's had a weird day, decade, whatever - I long for the simplicity over fighting over who was first in line - because I just don't care.
I'm in an introspective mood, with a bit of pity party thrown in for good measure. I feel like there is a lot weighing on my mind. What else is new, really, right?
I have a good friend, someone who'd do just about anything for me, about whom I'm worried - very worried - who is unreachable, so I sit here thinking I should do more, and knowing there isn't a damn thing I can do except maybe be the same friend I've been for the last 2 decades.
I spent Friday night giggling with friends and watching an undercurrent of gossip turn bits of that really fun time into nastyness. It reminded me again of how mean we women can be to each other - although I don't really understand why. Jealousy? Boredom? Some inherent meanness that we use as a defense mechanism? I don't know. Geez I wish I did - that would be some powerful armor I could wear to fight it.
I also saw my shrink tonight for the first time in 2 months. That always gets me thinking.
So no worries. I'm ok, I promise. My sarcastic self will likely be back tomorrow, especially if I get my suddenly seemed to gain 3 lbs ass to the gym. I saw unitard man there last time - looking forward to that again tomorrow...err...not.
I'll close with a nice little song I found tonight. I love Mindy Smith - a recent discovery thanks to Pandora...and this is one of her most lovely songs. The lyrics are beautiful, too - so I've included them as well. I think all of us have been in this position at least once - and for some of us, maybe it's a recurring theme.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_jG2SXlkpU
Mindy Smith, One Moment More Lyrics
Mindy Smith, One Moment More Lyrics
Hold me
Even though I know you're leaving
And show me
All the reasons you would stay
It's just enough to feel your breath on mine
To warm my soul and ease my mind
You've go to hold me and show me love
Give me
Just one part of you to cling to
And keep me
Everywhere you are
It's just enough to steal my heart and run
And fade out with the falling sun
Oh, please don't go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
You've got to hold me and keep me
Tell me that someday you'll be returning
And maybe
Maybe I'll believe
It's just enough to see a shooting star
To know you're never really far
It's just enough to see a shooting star
To know you're never really gone
Oh, please don't go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
Oh, please don't go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
You've got to hold me and maybe I'll believe
So hold me
Even though I know you're leaving
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
birthdays, meetings, and sore toes
I have been trying to plan the kidlet's birthday party for a while now. Yes....his birthday isn't until mid-May, but what can I say? I'm horribly OCD. I need things on the calendar. Especially in May. May is one of those insanely busy months - lots of soccer, 5Ks (though those are more for the hubby than for me - clearly - LOL), and this year we are also having a tag sale (please have my head examined immediately). So I want this damn thing on my calendar asap. I bought the favors, plates, etc last month.
Here's the problem. I decided to outsource the party this year. I am simply getting too old to have a host (think 18-ish) of kids around G's age to the house for 2-3 hours. I'm not exactly a kid person (sigh, yes, I know, I have a kid, I was a kid...but kids overwhelm me) and that is just WAY too much. So after some discussion with G, we decided to try to have his party at the Y where he takes swim lessons.
So back in FEBRUARY, I emailed the program director at the Y to get the ball rolling. Only...they don't do it over email. Great.
Life got ahead of me and it took me about 3 weeks to remember to call her. Hey, I average 6 meetings a day, I have to return those pesky work-related calls first!
So I called. And got her voicemail. And she called me back. And got my voicemail.
Repeat.
FOR TWO FRIGGIN' WEEKS!
Finally, today, the eagle landed. She called while I was at my desk. Halelujiah!! Thank goodness. May 23rd. Now I can breathe. A little. Sort of. Wait. Not really.
In other news...
I've run for the last 2 days. My toes hurt. Why? Because I've been wearing OLD shoes Check that. ANCIENT shoes. Which is stupid because I have NEW SHOES in my bedroom. I just keep forgetting to pack them in my gym bag. This results in me getting really unpleasant little callouses on the tips of my toes.
To add insult to inury - today I also forgot to pack my sports bra. Ok. I'm a small girl. 34 or 36B to be exact. ;-) So it's not exactly the end of the world if I run in my regular bra. That said - when you don't normally do it (and haven't since you had to wear a bra) - it's a weird sensation. Needless to say, after running a 5K today with my regular, not particularly supportive, work bra...I won't be forgetting a sports bra any time soon. LOL.
And finally - a grumble and an introspective thought. Excuse the fact that these are unrelated - I'm in a mood. Ok, I'm always in that mood (confused and confusing and disjointed) but nevertheless.
It is SO HOT in my office. Like sweat in your work clothes hot. It's nasty. And unpleasant. I can't take it.
I feel a little anxious and wound up tight today. Work has been, well, insane. Something is going on right now that has me (and several of us) feeling like our boss is keeping secrets from us and doing us a disservice - throwing us under the bus. There are organizational changes coming, ones that we helped figure out, except based on her behavior and some comments, I think our suggestions may have been thrown out the window. But we're getting zero for information, instead, we're just getting called into meetings where we find out changes to our assignments, priorities, etc - changes she apparently approved but never felt the need to warn us about.
It's awkward and uncomfortable and it has me stressed. To add insult to injury, I have been tagged as the Negative Nelly naysayer on my major project...and I was so (in my mind) disrespected and overruled and ignored in a meeting on Monday, I was moved to tears. ME. I cry like crazy, I am super emotional, but NOT IN A MEETING! I was so frustrated I literally said "I give up". I can't believe it. Me give up? Me get so frustrated I can't articulate myself? In my personal life - yes. In my work role. NEVER.
So I am already feeling weird and stressed. My personal life isn't any different than it's been for years...but it's also confusing.
And now today. Today I got news that has me feeling, well, weirder.
Hubby and I met in college. Over the 2 years or so we dated then, we got friendly with a couple of other couples who stayed together after college and eventually got married, like we did.
I found out today that one of them, the one that was probably most like Hubby and I (oddly matched, quirky), are officially divorced.
It just makes me feel weird. The people that really know me can probably guess why.
So there goes my mood, from stressed to downright anxious.
And on a last unrelated note - vegetarian sushi is yummy but despite not eating until nearly 7, it's 9:42pm and I could eat dinner again. Crap!
Bipolar post #84508450840 over.
Here's the problem. I decided to outsource the party this year. I am simply getting too old to have a host (think 18-ish) of kids around G's age to the house for 2-3 hours. I'm not exactly a kid person (sigh, yes, I know, I have a kid, I was a kid...but kids overwhelm me) and that is just WAY too much. So after some discussion with G, we decided to try to have his party at the Y where he takes swim lessons.
So back in FEBRUARY, I emailed the program director at the Y to get the ball rolling. Only...they don't do it over email. Great.
Life got ahead of me and it took me about 3 weeks to remember to call her. Hey, I average 6 meetings a day, I have to return those pesky work-related calls first!
So I called. And got her voicemail. And she called me back. And got my voicemail.
Repeat.
FOR TWO FRIGGIN' WEEKS!
Finally, today, the eagle landed. She called while I was at my desk. Halelujiah!! Thank goodness. May 23rd. Now I can breathe. A little. Sort of. Wait. Not really.
In other news...
I've run for the last 2 days. My toes hurt. Why? Because I've been wearing OLD shoes Check that. ANCIENT shoes. Which is stupid because I have NEW SHOES in my bedroom. I just keep forgetting to pack them in my gym bag. This results in me getting really unpleasant little callouses on the tips of my toes.
To add insult to inury - today I also forgot to pack my sports bra. Ok. I'm a small girl. 34 or 36B to be exact. ;-) So it's not exactly the end of the world if I run in my regular bra. That said - when you don't normally do it (and haven't since you had to wear a bra) - it's a weird sensation. Needless to say, after running a 5K today with my regular, not particularly supportive, work bra...I won't be forgetting a sports bra any time soon. LOL.
And finally - a grumble and an introspective thought. Excuse the fact that these are unrelated - I'm in a mood. Ok, I'm always in that mood (confused and confusing and disjointed) but nevertheless.
It is SO HOT in my office. Like sweat in your work clothes hot. It's nasty. And unpleasant. I can't take it.
I feel a little anxious and wound up tight today. Work has been, well, insane. Something is going on right now that has me (and several of us) feeling like our boss is keeping secrets from us and doing us a disservice - throwing us under the bus. There are organizational changes coming, ones that we helped figure out, except based on her behavior and some comments, I think our suggestions may have been thrown out the window. But we're getting zero for information, instead, we're just getting called into meetings where we find out changes to our assignments, priorities, etc - changes she apparently approved but never felt the need to warn us about.
It's awkward and uncomfortable and it has me stressed. To add insult to injury, I have been tagged as the Negative Nelly naysayer on my major project...and I was so (in my mind) disrespected and overruled and ignored in a meeting on Monday, I was moved to tears. ME. I cry like crazy, I am super emotional, but NOT IN A MEETING! I was so frustrated I literally said "I give up". I can't believe it. Me give up? Me get so frustrated I can't articulate myself? In my personal life - yes. In my work role. NEVER.
So I am already feeling weird and stressed. My personal life isn't any different than it's been for years...but it's also confusing.
And now today. Today I got news that has me feeling, well, weirder.
Hubby and I met in college. Over the 2 years or so we dated then, we got friendly with a couple of other couples who stayed together after college and eventually got married, like we did.
I found out today that one of them, the one that was probably most like Hubby and I (oddly matched, quirky), are officially divorced.
It just makes me feel weird. The people that really know me can probably guess why.
So there goes my mood, from stressed to downright anxious.
And on a last unrelated note - vegetarian sushi is yummy but despite not eating until nearly 7, it's 9:42pm and I could eat dinner again. Crap!
Bipolar post #84508450840 over.
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