this working mom stuff

Ok. I have been a working mom since G was 3 months old, full time since he was 3 years old. I love my kid and I love my career. And I like to think I've gotten pretty good at the juggling act. Oh, I'm exhausted and I never feel like I do quite enough or have enough time...and sometimes I feel guilty that I don't get to G's classroom. But I feel like I've hit a groove.

Usually.

But sometimes...not so much.

Today was "Take Your Child to Work Day". I originally ignored the emails about it at my work because I knew G would be going in with Gregg - he did last year and I figured it would be the same this year. Also, honestly, I get SO many emails every day, I fully admit, I deleted the first couple about the program at our work without reading them. OOPSIE.

By the time the third notification (I think?) came out, I noticed, and asked G if he wanted to come to my work instead. He was very excited but I warned him that I thought I'd missed the window to sign him up. I told him I'd find out.

Lucky for me, my division is small and I pretty much know everyone. So I ran into one of the chairpersons of the event the next day and she actually mentioned it to me. "Is G coming to Take Your Kid to Work Day??" I said "Oh I thought I had missed the sign-up deadline." She said "NAH, we want him to come! He's 8, right?"

Uh...nope. Not until May. "Oh no! Really? Oh crap. We just turned down someone whose kid turns 8 this summer...it was really controversial. We'll never get G through."

DARNIT!

I delivered the bad news to G that night, who thought it was dumb "Other 2nd graders get to go if they are 8 but not me? What the HECK MOM?" but when I reminded him that Dad could still take him...phew!

Anyway, I have admittedly been disappointed since then - but I've been trying not to think about it.

However, today, I had no choice. Today was the day - and I was kind of excited to see all of the other peoples' kids. It's a curiosity thing. You may know your co-workers are also parents, but you rarely get to see them in that vein. But Take Your Kid to Work day exposes that facet of them - and it's neat to watch.

Problem is - I sit right near the cafeteria. Which is where they had all of today's events. And while I occasionally have a pang of missing G at work, that's really subsided lately, now that he's in school all day.

Except today.

It took me almost the entire day to figure out why I felt so damn unsettled. I mean, I often feel unsettled but it was different today. I felt wrong - like I wanted to run out of there and go - somewhere. I wasn't even sure where.

It dawned on me when I went to get myself some water. They had "Earth" on the widescreen TV for the kids and some of the parents were watching with them...just snuggling or hanging with there kids.

And there it was. I missed G. I missed him in a way I don't miss him at work on a normal ordinary day. I just wanted him there with me, because that felt like it was *right*.

The feeling passed when I got home. G and I had a "date" today - we were going to go for his very first run! And run we did - 1.2 miles and no walking. I'm so proud of him. And I think I cherished that little bit of time a little more today.

I'll be back to my in the groove boring old working mom self tomorrow - but today, it unnerved me a little. It let a bit of that working mom guilt back in. Of course, if I didn't work...I couldn't be sad about not taking my kid to work - ironically enough.