We had some old friends over tonight - they live in the same town as us and we used to get together once a week. But that arrangement fell apart over the last 2 years and while Hubby has seen the guy (K) - we haven't gotten together as a couple for at least 18 months. They are a lot of fun and it was great to see them.
What was interesting about the visit...hmm...ok.
So these friends of ours are childless - by choice at this point although they told us they are "getting closer" to "sort of being ready" to have a kid. LOL, love it. BTDT.
Now - I am the first person to say that I do not give a shit whether people have children or not. Contrary to Hubby, I do not think that we as humans are or should be "destined" and "preprogrammed" to have children. Having a child - as I told them tonight - is hard. Really hard. Oh it's incredibly rewarding and as I said the other day, I can't imagine my life without G and sometimes I can't remember what life was like without him. But anyone who says parenting is easy is either blissfully unaware or full of shit.
So I have a great respect for people who know their limits well enough to not have children. Or to have one child. Or stop at 2. Or whatever.
Given that, they certainly don't have to rationalize to me why they haven't had a child - I told them that, too.
Having said that, as we were chatting, they were asking us questions about G and just about life in general. They both noted that we seem "really busy" and that "being a parent must be overwhelming". I agreed. I told them that parenthood was really a long series of leaps of faith - the first time you drop your kid off at daycare, the first day of Kindergarten, the first time he uses a public bathroom on his own or plays outside by himself or you let him roam the neighborhood without you - or hell, the first time you leave him in a room alone. They are elicit heart attacks and it's SO easy to just not want to (or not) do them to avoid the potential pitfalls. But the job of a good parent is to recognize those fears and then WEIGH them and figure out a way to do what you need to do, to foster that independence with love, despite them.
It's scary as friggin' hell.
In any event, as we were talking to them, and afterwards, I did start thinking a bit about my pre-kid life. And it's funny how vague it seems in some ways - and how I felt many of the same things they are feeling now. Somehow, it was validating to see them as I was 9 years ago and realize I wasn't "abnormal" despite my thinking so.
I don't know that there is an entirely a point to this post beyond some musing on "paper". I think I always get a little introspective about parenting as G's birthday comes and goes. I think about how time is marching on and how I really am ok with it. I get wistful and I can't believe my "baby" is getting older and - as someone astutely pointed out last week - is now halfway to driving age (yikes). But this is life - and watching him grow is pretty damn cool.
It'll be interesting to see what happens with our friends over the next couple of years. I think they would be great parents. They are nervous about putting someone else besides themselves first. And that's a hard shift to make - maybe that's why we get little helpless babies, to make it easier on us to give ours own needs a back seat for a while.
And if the opt against the parenting road - hey, that's fine with me too. I'll certainly understand.
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