I have no decent title

Just some miscellaneous ramblings - so no good title for this one.

Today was a great example of how calling a doctor and making an appointment will cure you of what ails you.  This happens to me so often that I'm beginning to wonder if I need to be properly treated for hypochondria.

For the last almost 2 weeks, on and off - my friggin jaw has been hurting - and by hurting I mean pain that radiated back to the joint, up the back of my ear, across my ear, and at points into my cheek.  It was on and off but sufficiently bad enough that I went to the dentist late last week thinking I had a cavity.  I don't.  However, my dentist had me move my jaw a bit and said "WOAH", which I took as a very bad sign.  He went on to tell me that I have "a pretty bad case of TMJ" - fabulous - and took a mold for a nightguard that I've needed for oh...20 years now...maybe more.  He said that was the cause of the pain and voila, yelled at me for not coming in for 18 months and sent me on my way.

For a few days, the pain was much less pointed...until Monday now and back it came.  Advil was barely touching it - although I found that Tylenol plus Pinot Grigio was helping - alas, not appropriate for work hours.  ;-)  By yesterday morning, I was over it.  I figured I needed to get into my doctor to get some painkillers or have my jaw broken and reset or something.  LOL.

Oddly, this is not a sufficient medical issue to warrant a same day appointment and, despite their insistence, I was not going in at 1:45pm today (REALLY???).  I took the 4pm appointment and breathed.

And what do you know.  As the day progressed, the pain lessened...and kept lessening so last night was Tylenol (although not Pinot)-free.

Same today.

So I cancelled my appointment.

My problem now - how long until it comes back?  Ah...Andrea...such a pessimist.

We'll see.  I hope it's gone for a while.  Today was not exactly a banner day.  Busy - understatement - at work, with some over email (of course) personal life issues going on - nothing hugely serious but the same old thing just the same.

I've been in a bit of funk lately, which is part of the reason for said issues and for my lack of appearance here.  As I mentioned the other night - I'm not exactly sure I can put my finger on the problem.

I feel tired.
I feel old (UGH!  Love birthday time of year...)
I feel worn down.
I feel taken for granted.
I feel second, like I am not really a priority.
I feel this sense of wonder about how people do it - maintain relationships, love, be loved back...how they risk it...how they throw themselves into it and time it just right.

I feel sort of like my life is a playbook and, while I'm in it, I'm just slightly off the mark.

Again, maybe this is a normal life crisis, maybe everyone feels this way.  I'm not everyone.  I'm me.  And I know I feel this way.

I watch the people around me and I see them struggling too.  I see too many people in the same tenuous, confusing situations and relationships, and I think that maybe, just maybe, they get it.  But I also see a lot of them dealing with said situations in ways that seem better - or at least more manageable than they are for me - and I wonder.

I haven't even had my Pinot tonight and look at me waxing philosophical like a sorry self-pitying horse's ass.  SIGH.

I don't know.  I keep waiting for that "A HA!" moment - the moment where not only will I know who I am - hell, I know who I am, I've had THAT moment - but where I'll be happy WHERE I am.

On a light-hearted unrelated note...my boys were out on a hubby family visit after school/work today, so I of course just HAD to make a stop on my way home at Kohl's.  Little did I know they were running one hell of a sale, so I came out of there for around $100 with several sweaters, a new purse, and one kick-ass pencil skirts.   SIDE NOTE - Why are pencil skirts so ellusive?  I love them.  I have a big butt and a small waist.  Crap. Those things were made for me.  Yet for reasons I do not understand, they are far less prevalent than tulip skirts, which I hate with every single ounce of energy I possess.  The only damn place that seems to carry them regularly is Banana Republic Outlet, and even then, I have to wait for them to go on clearance - that place is pricey.

I was happy with my purchases although there were several pairs of Candie's platforms that I would have liked to buy...but I just can't justify bright blue 3.5 inch platforms, no matter how much I'd like to.

LOL.

On another unrelated note - Hub is asleep and I am not watching TV, but it's on.  "I Love the 90s - 1991" - the year of my high school graduation.  They just featured the song "Rico Suave", which reminded me that as much as that song sucked in 1991, it sucks significantly more now.  Between the shitty music and the lingering big ass hair, what the hell were we thinking???