About a week ago, my almost 9 year old approached me and said "Mom, I think I want to start keeping a journal. Can we get me a notebook to do that?" I asked him why and he said "I want to write down my thoughts - you know, like a diary?" I told him I understood - I told him that I have one (really two) online journal of my own, where I write down notes about my day, little (terrible) poems, music lyrics, etc. He thought that was cool and "It's pretty neat that I came up with my own idea to keep a journal - like you Mom!" It was cute.
So tonight he got out his journal to write and informed me that he is a "word accumulator" - "You know, Mom, I accumulate a lot of words that I then use frequently." I love hearing him talk like a little old man. ;-)
In other news...I'm having another rough go of it. The situation I had that I thought had evened out took a really - and I mean really - bad turn yesterday. This is "fun" to deal with...right.
Needless to say, I've been distracted and preoccupied. This leaves me ditzier (is that a word?) than usual. So first, yesterday, one of my co-workers in a way meant to be totally jokey messed with me. I missed it. Like it flew ENTIRELY over my head and lead me to do about 15 minutes of completely unnecessary work. COMPLETELY. He felt so bad he apologized to me for the rest of the day. It definitely wasn't his fault - it was actually pretty funny - but I knew that was a bad indication of me and my completely fried brain.
Then today, in addition to getting nabbed crying at my desk (over exhaustion, frustration, and some serious heartbreak), I was examining my new hot red platform shoes that I bought a couple of months ago that I finally wore today (peep toes) DESPITE the fact that we had snow.
hmm....why is this shoe a 9 - did I buy 9s?
look at other shoe
oh shit, this shoe is an 8.5.
I bought 2 different sized shoes.
That sealed it. I've complete and utterly lost my mind.
----
To add real insult to injury - late this afternoon, a thorn in the side of my life for the last 2 decades decided to rear her ugly head again. I won't get into it beyond saying this:
Emotional manipulation, blackmail, and entitlement are nasty character flaws.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
simply exhausted
I don't recall being as slammed by daylight savings time and the time change as badly in the past as I have been this year. Maybe it's old age. Maybe it's too much stress and confusion. Maybe I'm just lame. But I am having a hell of a time with it this year. I am so damn tired. I have turned off my alarms the last 2 days and fell back to sleep. This morning I woke up absolutely panicked, and rightly so - it was 6:30. Dear lord that is SO late.
I have been trying to be better about getting to the gym, thinking the exercise would help. That is a frustrating endeavor. Hubby has activities at least 1-2 nights per week. I have meetings until 5 a couple of nights a week. I went to the gym last night but unless I feel so inclined to go on Friday night (I don't), I think that's the only night I can go this week.
I am supposed to be helping G practice the mile run for school, so maybe we can do that this weekend. Tomorrow night is out due to Cub Scouts...ugh...it's always something. I ask again how the hell people with more than 1 child do this without losing their minds.
My life is relatively boring otherwise. I have been listening to Adele's new CD - "21" a lot lately. It is fabulous. I highly recommend it.
I have been trying to be better about getting to the gym, thinking the exercise would help. That is a frustrating endeavor. Hubby has activities at least 1-2 nights per week. I have meetings until 5 a couple of nights a week. I went to the gym last night but unless I feel so inclined to go on Friday night (I don't), I think that's the only night I can go this week.
I am supposed to be helping G practice the mile run for school, so maybe we can do that this weekend. Tomorrow night is out due to Cub Scouts...ugh...it's always something. I ask again how the hell people with more than 1 child do this without losing their minds.
My life is relatively boring otherwise. I have been listening to Adele's new CD - "21" a lot lately. It is fabulous. I highly recommend it.
Friday, March 11, 2011
again with the weird twists and turns of life
Tonight's blog may be a stream of consciousness type thing. Bear with me. I had 3 glasses of pinot noir out with friends tonight and, generally speaking, it's been one hell of a week.
So my "baby" - my soon to be 9 year old baby - had his first ever orthodontist appointment today. Next week he gets fitted for headgear and, soon after that, for braces on his front 4 teeth. Braces? BRACES?? It's rare that I have the "OH GOD MY BABY IS GROWING UP" moments but let me tell you, this has been one. He's growing up fast, and he's really getting hit with it hard. He suddenly started having trouble sleeping because he decided he was 'too big' to sleep with his babies. He loves school but he's fidgety (ADHD? we are trying to find out) and makes careless mistakes. He's gifted but doesn't test well. He'd rather read his own books about WW II than the 3rd grader readers they give him. He loves soccer and loves older kids. We bought him a "special occasion only phone". Yet I vividly remember that Saturday after September 11th when I swear the "+" sign appeared on that pregnancy test when I pulled it out of the wrapper.
Funny how life flies when you aren't paying attention.
---------
In an effort to rid myself of a lot of emotional and personal angst - angst I can't fix because the other(s) involved are unwilling to deal with me or address my feelings - I have been spending as much time as I can squeeze into my ridiculously overscheduled work days at the gym. I can't seem to bring myself to run, but I actually do enjoy spending time on the elliptical - so the elliptical it is. I see the same people at the gym most days, which leaves me a great opportunity to people-watch (and one of the weirdest twists of fate I have managed to make a friend there). I truly enjoy this.
There is this woman I see there every time I'm there. She's probably about 10 years older than me and her exercise routine mystifies me. She gets on the treadmill, cranks it up to 8 or 8.5 mph (WOAH) and then proceeds to grip the sides of the treadmill (handrails) HARD and "walk". I don't understand this. What purpose does it serve? How the hell do her shoulders not ache horribly given she does this for 45 min to an hour!?!?!
And then there's singlet dude. I love this guy because he's a predictable fixture in my extremely unpredictable life. Long, flowing black hair that he leaves loose during his work-outs. Tights. Singlet. And as I discovered unfortunately one day last week after 2+ years at the gym - tights are TOTALLY friggin' see-through. Holy mother. That is some ass I did not need to see.
I take comfort in the predictability of these two, plus the crazy 5K woman and the two pretty cousins from work who make their appearance there (especially now that the bitchy one seems to like me - eureka).
--------
I found out some juicy gossip about the bitch at work who's been harassing me for the last 2 years. Let's just say that as much as karma is biting me in the ass right now, it took her, bit her, and then beat the hell out of her. It couldn't happen to a nicer person. Of course this does not cause her to let up on me. I find it amusing that somehow she's decided it's ok to act pissed at me because my project manager on my #1 projects happens to be a man. God she needs to get a grip. But you know what, she made herself look like a complete ass so too bad.
----------
Today was a horrible tsunami in Japan. Absolutely horrible. G was captivated by the images and took it upon himself to research tsunamis, so by 7:15 this morning he had many tsunami facts to discuss with me. Pre-caffeine. I love that child but oh god. The images are just so sad and so scary - and it happened so fast. With all the drama in my life, it gives me pause to remember how lucky I am. No matter how hard my life hurts me right now.
---------
I'm watching someone I care deeply for implode. I am utterly powerless in this mess. I want to take control, be strong, help - but how can you help someone who rejects every effort you put forth? How do you care for someone who believes they deserve nothing?
'Oh how good is it to live, with nothing left to give, forget but not forgive, my love is all you see....' <-- thank you Coldplay for my anthem for the day.
---------
Weird night out drinking. 'nuff said. Maybe formed a new connection with someone who will understand me.
So my "baby" - my soon to be 9 year old baby - had his first ever orthodontist appointment today. Next week he gets fitted for headgear and, soon after that, for braces on his front 4 teeth. Braces? BRACES?? It's rare that I have the "OH GOD MY BABY IS GROWING UP" moments but let me tell you, this has been one. He's growing up fast, and he's really getting hit with it hard. He suddenly started having trouble sleeping because he decided he was 'too big' to sleep with his babies. He loves school but he's fidgety (ADHD? we are trying to find out) and makes careless mistakes. He's gifted but doesn't test well. He'd rather read his own books about WW II than the 3rd grader readers they give him. He loves soccer and loves older kids. We bought him a "special occasion only phone". Yet I vividly remember that Saturday after September 11th when I swear the "+" sign appeared on that pregnancy test when I pulled it out of the wrapper.
Funny how life flies when you aren't paying attention.
---------
In an effort to rid myself of a lot of emotional and personal angst - angst I can't fix because the other(s) involved are unwilling to deal with me or address my feelings - I have been spending as much time as I can squeeze into my ridiculously overscheduled work days at the gym. I can't seem to bring myself to run, but I actually do enjoy spending time on the elliptical - so the elliptical it is. I see the same people at the gym most days, which leaves me a great opportunity to people-watch (and one of the weirdest twists of fate I have managed to make a friend there). I truly enjoy this.
There is this woman I see there every time I'm there. She's probably about 10 years older than me and her exercise routine mystifies me. She gets on the treadmill, cranks it up to 8 or 8.5 mph (WOAH) and then proceeds to grip the sides of the treadmill (handrails) HARD and "walk". I don't understand this. What purpose does it serve? How the hell do her shoulders not ache horribly given she does this for 45 min to an hour!?!?!
And then there's singlet dude. I love this guy because he's a predictable fixture in my extremely unpredictable life. Long, flowing black hair that he leaves loose during his work-outs. Tights. Singlet. And as I discovered unfortunately one day last week after 2+ years at the gym - tights are TOTALLY friggin' see-through. Holy mother. That is some ass I did not need to see.
I take comfort in the predictability of these two, plus the crazy 5K woman and the two pretty cousins from work who make their appearance there (especially now that the bitchy one seems to like me - eureka).
--------
I found out some juicy gossip about the bitch at work who's been harassing me for the last 2 years. Let's just say that as much as karma is biting me in the ass right now, it took her, bit her, and then beat the hell out of her. It couldn't happen to a nicer person. Of course this does not cause her to let up on me. I find it amusing that somehow she's decided it's ok to act pissed at me because my project manager on my #1 projects happens to be a man. God she needs to get a grip. But you know what, she made herself look like a complete ass so too bad.
----------
Today was a horrible tsunami in Japan. Absolutely horrible. G was captivated by the images and took it upon himself to research tsunamis, so by 7:15 this morning he had many tsunami facts to discuss with me. Pre-caffeine. I love that child but oh god. The images are just so sad and so scary - and it happened so fast. With all the drama in my life, it gives me pause to remember how lucky I am. No matter how hard my life hurts me right now.
---------
I'm watching someone I care deeply for implode. I am utterly powerless in this mess. I want to take control, be strong, help - but how can you help someone who rejects every effort you put forth? How do you care for someone who believes they deserve nothing?
'Oh how good is it to live, with nothing left to give, forget but not forgive, my love is all you see....' <-- thank you Coldplay for my anthem for the day.
---------
Weird night out drinking. 'nuff said. Maybe formed a new connection with someone who will understand me.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
simple little scarf
My husband's aunt, J, has become a good friend over the (dear lord) nearly 12 years that Hubby and i have been married. She is also a great ally and confidante.
At Christmas (or maybe Hubby's mom's birthday party), she mentioned wanting a handmade second scarf. I'd made her a scarf a while ago (2 years maybe now) - simple hold 2 strand of Lion Brand thick yarn and K pattern - and she had been wearing it when we were having this conversation. I asked her for color choices and told her I'd make her another one.
I finally gave it to her today, at the bridal shower for Hubby's cousin's son's fiancee (holy crap say that 3 times fast). So I can post a pic of it now. It's a thin rib pattern - very easy. I think I found it on Lion Brand's website and then mutated it again. Excuse the crummy pic quality - cell phone in my darkish living room late at night.
At Christmas (or maybe Hubby's mom's birthday party), she mentioned wanting a handmade second scarf. I'd made her a scarf a while ago (2 years maybe now) - simple hold 2 strand of Lion Brand thick yarn and K pattern - and she had been wearing it when we were having this conversation. I asked her for color choices and told her I'd make her another one.
I finally gave it to her today, at the bridal shower for Hubby's cousin's son's fiancee (holy crap say that 3 times fast). So I can post a pic of it now. It's a thin rib pattern - very easy. I think I found it on Lion Brand's website and then mutated it again. Excuse the crummy pic quality - cell phone in my darkish living room late at night.
social networking fail
Over the last 18 months, the social networking site on which I have an account has been a bit of a mixed blessing.
In some ways, it's been great for reuniting me with people I haven't spoken to in a couple of decades. It allows me to connect with friends I've made online in a more "in real life" way. I can share pictures of my son and our vacations and such with family and friends who live far away. I like that idea, that I can share a little slice of my life with people important to me.
That is, until it backfires.
In the last 18 months, I've found out inadvertently / indirectly / accidentally that I am being, at least in a manner of speaking, stalked on said site. In both instances, it was very unexpected (is it really ever expected?!?!) and disconcerting.
In one instance, I found out almost entirely by accident and was pissed because the person was using my status updates to essentially ridicule me behind my back to a - at the time - mutual friend of ours. I felt totally violated by this person (and to an extent I was disappointed by my friend who should have told me much sooner than actually occurred) and immediately the person was defriended. by me. This person has since, because we have mutual friends, decided it would be fun to make snide comments to my comments on mutual friends' status updates. I have asked this person repeatedly to leave me alone, but I guess harassing someone she doesn't really know all that well makes her feel better about herself. Lucky me.
In the second instance, the situation is a bit more complex. I found out when I was essentially told directly what was on in a most matter of fact sort of way. While I have a major issue with the way this person is behaving (representing my material as theirs), the person who told me does not. My defriending this person would result in major drama in which I would become the bad guy. And in my current emotional state, I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to deal.
To add further insult to injury, I recently discovered that I have been defriended by people who I thought were friends, because of a misunderstanding. It's very hurtful especially because this occurred without any conversation with me. I know it shouldn't matter - but it does. I'm sensitive to a fault, and the people who did this know that. Or I thought they did. Maybe they just don't care.
My conclusion is that it may be time for me to go on hiatus from that site, at least for a while. I'm tempted to actually deactivate my account, but with my 20th high school reunion in the early planning phases, and me being one of the leaders of that project, deactivation is probably impractical.
But maybe I split the difference and just don't log on for a long while. I'm tired of feeling like a pariah or being ridiculed or misrepresented. I'm tired of feeling like when I open the door to share my life with people, they shove the door open, push me out of the way, and try to take my life on as their own - through the use of other people's accounts or in taking advantage of my relationship with other people.
The reality is, I have a lot of complicated crap going on in my life and I can't continue to feel like a punching bag anywhere.
And maybe - this is this control freak's way of grabbing control of a piece of her life that's very quickly spiriling into a giant mess.
In some ways, it's been great for reuniting me with people I haven't spoken to in a couple of decades. It allows me to connect with friends I've made online in a more "in real life" way. I can share pictures of my son and our vacations and such with family and friends who live far away. I like that idea, that I can share a little slice of my life with people important to me.
That is, until it backfires.
In the last 18 months, I've found out inadvertently / indirectly / accidentally that I am being, at least in a manner of speaking, stalked on said site. In both instances, it was very unexpected (is it really ever expected?!?!) and disconcerting.
In one instance, I found out almost entirely by accident and was pissed because the person was using my status updates to essentially ridicule me behind my back to a - at the time - mutual friend of ours. I felt totally violated by this person (and to an extent I was disappointed by my friend who should have told me much sooner than actually occurred) and immediately the person was defriended. by me. This person has since, because we have mutual friends, decided it would be fun to make snide comments to my comments on mutual friends' status updates. I have asked this person repeatedly to leave me alone, but I guess harassing someone she doesn't really know all that well makes her feel better about herself. Lucky me.
In the second instance, the situation is a bit more complex. I found out when I was essentially told directly what was on in a most matter of fact sort of way. While I have a major issue with the way this person is behaving (representing my material as theirs), the person who told me does not. My defriending this person would result in major drama in which I would become the bad guy. And in my current emotional state, I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to deal.
To add further insult to injury, I recently discovered that I have been defriended by people who I thought were friends, because of a misunderstanding. It's very hurtful especially because this occurred without any conversation with me. I know it shouldn't matter - but it does. I'm sensitive to a fault, and the people who did this know that. Or I thought they did. Maybe they just don't care.
My conclusion is that it may be time for me to go on hiatus from that site, at least for a while. I'm tempted to actually deactivate my account, but with my 20th high school reunion in the early planning phases, and me being one of the leaders of that project, deactivation is probably impractical.
But maybe I split the difference and just don't log on for a long while. I'm tired of feeling like a pariah or being ridiculed or misrepresented. I'm tired of feeling like when I open the door to share my life with people, they shove the door open, push me out of the way, and try to take my life on as their own - through the use of other people's accounts or in taking advantage of my relationship with other people.
The reality is, I have a lot of complicated crap going on in my life and I can't continue to feel like a punching bag anywhere.
And maybe - this is this control freak's way of grabbing control of a piece of her life that's very quickly spiriling into a giant mess.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
stuffyhead sneezy
I feel like crap - not horrible but just stuffy and congested and cranky. I'm PMS-y and this head cold sucks the life out of me. I don't have time to be stuffy - I need every drop of brain power to deal with work and, apparently, with my 3rd grader's homework tonight. Let me just say - when you give 8 year olds 25 of the most commonly misspelled words, and said 8 year old mother looks at them, isn't sure how to spell 2, and recognizes that the she saw the vast majority of the rest misspelled in work emails just today - that's some damn hard homework. The saving grace - they let the kids use dictionaries.
But while I'm on the subject of school and homework....
I love my kid. He's smart in a quirky and weird and very verbal way. People are (not bragging here) often telling me how smart he is in totally unsolicited ways. We've known he was different, "gifted', since he was 2. So we've been cautious with his school - he doesn't do boredom well, handles transitions even more poorly. He needs to be stimulated and challenged.
His teacher last year was great - gave him extra work, pushed him hard especially with reading (where he is stars and away light years beyond his peers), and kept him interested. She recognized his abilities.
This year he's in a different school. His teacher is nice and tries hard - she's also very traditional. She's good about setting boundaries with him and she's fine with academics - but just fine. I don't think she sees or understands kids who learn differently. He's doing great - all As and A+s so far - but I think she's losing him.
I've just started making this observation in the last few weeks. At our conference with her last week, she mentioned he's been sucking his finger (which he does when bored, among other things). I've noticed his in class papers are still good but he has weird lapses - he'll skip 1 section of the paper entirely, or miss 1 specific direction. Everything on the paper will be right except that. He also admitted to me tonight that he doesn't pay attention. He says he doesn't mean to not focus, but the stuff the class is doing isn't holding his interest. I am NOT ok with this and I told him so. One of his distractions is "Calvin and Hobbes" - he found one of our books and he fell in love. I flat out told him tonight that if he has another lapse, "Calvin and Hobbes" will temporarily become a weekend-only treasure.
Given all this, plus our meeting on Friday, I'm frustrated. You see, the child ACED and I mean ACED 2/3 of his CogAts. His 3rd section he was far above average, but not far "enough" for them to consider him gifted. "But of course, we don't have a gifted program here. We do have students that score higher than Giani - so they are categorized as gifted. He just barely missed the cut. However, because we don't have a gifted program, he would still likely be in the top level classes."
This frustrates me. I mean, a label is a label. I know my kid and I know he's amazingly talented. His scores on those 2 sections of that test (top 1-3%) tell you that. And the 3rd section. Well, the 3rd section was math. Guess what. He does math ONLY in his head. I had no idea until I watched him take practice CMTs. His average math score doing stuff in his head? 80%. His average math score doing the same tests but jotting down the 5, 6, 7 number sums? 100%.
Damn kid.
He said to me tongiht "Mom, I'm not used to having to try. This is new for me. I can do math in my head." I told him that, yes, he could - but he could do it written down better.
I worry. I worry about ADHD with him. He is HYPER focused with things that interest him. He just did a report for school on Amelia Earhart (on which he got an A instead of an A+ why? Not due to lack of research but because he wasn't 100% believeable 'acting' as her. WTF? How is that even the point???). He was ravenous. He read the assigned book. Then he Google'd her. Then he found an article in "Nat Geo" (National Geographic - NOT kids) about her. He went in to that presentatin knowing more about that woman than most people. He loved it.
But give him some homework and he'll spend 6 minutes on it, half-assing it, writing it sloppily, and making me insane.
So after MUCH MUCH debate, Hubby and I will be getting him in to see a child psych. It's probably already been too long. His time with his social worker at school is helping, but it's shared time and it's not directed at understanding how he learns and how we can help him. Plus, frankly, I find it abject bullshit that he's being considered "not gifted" by his school district based on 1 standardized test. Argh.
We'll see. At the end of the day, I am not so delusional as to think he's a genius. He's not. But he's a bright kid who thinks and learns very differently. I want to do right by him - I want to make it easier for him to learn, to get him with teachers that challenge him. And I want him to learn that the mundane to him is still necessary and that it doesn't have to be a necessary "evil".
We went through his homework tonight and I made a huge effort to be calm and make it interesting and fun. He loved using the giant dictionary, so maybe that's a step in the right direction.
Ok, my Puffs Plus are calling. Damn cold.
But while I'm on the subject of school and homework....
I love my kid. He's smart in a quirky and weird and very verbal way. People are (not bragging here) often telling me how smart he is in totally unsolicited ways. We've known he was different, "gifted', since he was 2. So we've been cautious with his school - he doesn't do boredom well, handles transitions even more poorly. He needs to be stimulated and challenged.
His teacher last year was great - gave him extra work, pushed him hard especially with reading (where he is stars and away light years beyond his peers), and kept him interested. She recognized his abilities.
This year he's in a different school. His teacher is nice and tries hard - she's also very traditional. She's good about setting boundaries with him and she's fine with academics - but just fine. I don't think she sees or understands kids who learn differently. He's doing great - all As and A+s so far - but I think she's losing him.
I've just started making this observation in the last few weeks. At our conference with her last week, she mentioned he's been sucking his finger (which he does when bored, among other things). I've noticed his in class papers are still good but he has weird lapses - he'll skip 1 section of the paper entirely, or miss 1 specific direction. Everything on the paper will be right except that. He also admitted to me tonight that he doesn't pay attention. He says he doesn't mean to not focus, but the stuff the class is doing isn't holding his interest. I am NOT ok with this and I told him so. One of his distractions is "Calvin and Hobbes" - he found one of our books and he fell in love. I flat out told him tonight that if he has another lapse, "Calvin and Hobbes" will temporarily become a weekend-only treasure.
Given all this, plus our meeting on Friday, I'm frustrated. You see, the child ACED and I mean ACED 2/3 of his CogAts. His 3rd section he was far above average, but not far "enough" for them to consider him gifted. "But of course, we don't have a gifted program here. We do have students that score higher than Giani - so they are categorized as gifted. He just barely missed the cut. However, because we don't have a gifted program, he would still likely be in the top level classes."
This frustrates me. I mean, a label is a label. I know my kid and I know he's amazingly talented. His scores on those 2 sections of that test (top 1-3%) tell you that. And the 3rd section. Well, the 3rd section was math. Guess what. He does math ONLY in his head. I had no idea until I watched him take practice CMTs. His average math score doing stuff in his head? 80%. His average math score doing the same tests but jotting down the 5, 6, 7 number sums? 100%.
Damn kid.
He said to me tongiht "Mom, I'm not used to having to try. This is new for me. I can do math in my head." I told him that, yes, he could - but he could do it written down better.
I worry. I worry about ADHD with him. He is HYPER focused with things that interest him. He just did a report for school on Amelia Earhart (on which he got an A instead of an A+ why? Not due to lack of research but because he wasn't 100% believeable 'acting' as her. WTF? How is that even the point???). He was ravenous. He read the assigned book. Then he Google'd her. Then he found an article in "Nat Geo" (National Geographic - NOT kids) about her. He went in to that presentatin knowing more about that woman than most people. He loved it.
But give him some homework and he'll spend 6 minutes on it, half-assing it, writing it sloppily, and making me insane.
So after MUCH MUCH debate, Hubby and I will be getting him in to see a child psych. It's probably already been too long. His time with his social worker at school is helping, but it's shared time and it's not directed at understanding how he learns and how we can help him. Plus, frankly, I find it abject bullshit that he's being considered "not gifted" by his school district based on 1 standardized test. Argh.
We'll see. At the end of the day, I am not so delusional as to think he's a genius. He's not. But he's a bright kid who thinks and learns very differently. I want to do right by him - I want to make it easier for him to learn, to get him with teachers that challenge him. And I want him to learn that the mundane to him is still necessary and that it doesn't have to be a necessary "evil".
We went through his homework tonight and I made a huge effort to be calm and make it interesting and fun. He loved using the giant dictionary, so maybe that's a step in the right direction.
Ok, my Puffs Plus are calling. Damn cold.
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