Tonight's blog may be a stream of consciousness type thing. Bear with me. I had 3 glasses of pinot noir out with friends tonight and, generally speaking, it's been one hell of a week.
So my "baby" - my soon to be 9 year old baby - had his first ever orthodontist appointment today. Next week he gets fitted for headgear and, soon after that, for braces on his front 4 teeth. Braces? BRACES?? It's rare that I have the "OH GOD MY BABY IS GROWING UP" moments but let me tell you, this has been one. He's growing up fast, and he's really getting hit with it hard. He suddenly started having trouble sleeping because he decided he was 'too big' to sleep with his babies. He loves school but he's fidgety (ADHD? we are trying to find out) and makes careless mistakes. He's gifted but doesn't test well. He'd rather read his own books about WW II than the 3rd grader readers they give him. He loves soccer and loves older kids. We bought him a "special occasion only phone". Yet I vividly remember that Saturday after September 11th when I swear the "+" sign appeared on that pregnancy test when I pulled it out of the wrapper.
Funny how life flies when you aren't paying attention.
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In an effort to rid myself of a lot of emotional and personal angst - angst I can't fix because the other(s) involved are unwilling to deal with me or address my feelings - I have been spending as much time as I can squeeze into my ridiculously overscheduled work days at the gym. I can't seem to bring myself to run, but I actually do enjoy spending time on the elliptical - so the elliptical it is. I see the same people at the gym most days, which leaves me a great opportunity to people-watch (and one of the weirdest twists of fate I have managed to make a friend there). I truly enjoy this.
There is this woman I see there every time I'm there. She's probably about 10 years older than me and her exercise routine mystifies me. She gets on the treadmill, cranks it up to 8 or 8.5 mph (WOAH) and then proceeds to grip the sides of the treadmill (handrails) HARD and "walk". I don't understand this. What purpose does it serve? How the hell do her shoulders not ache horribly given she does this for 45 min to an hour!?!?!
And then there's singlet dude. I love this guy because he's a predictable fixture in my extremely unpredictable life. Long, flowing black hair that he leaves loose during his work-outs. Tights. Singlet. And as I discovered unfortunately one day last week after 2+ years at the gym - tights are TOTALLY friggin' see-through. Holy mother. That is some ass I did not need to see.
I take comfort in the predictability of these two, plus the crazy 5K woman and the two pretty cousins from work who make their appearance there (especially now that the bitchy one seems to like me - eureka).
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I found out some juicy gossip about the bitch at work who's been harassing me for the last 2 years. Let's just say that as much as karma is biting me in the ass right now, it took her, bit her, and then beat the hell out of her. It couldn't happen to a nicer person. Of course this does not cause her to let up on me. I find it amusing that somehow she's decided it's ok to act pissed at me because my project manager on my #1 projects happens to be a man. God she needs to get a grip. But you know what, she made herself look like a complete ass so too bad.
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Today was a horrible tsunami in Japan. Absolutely horrible. G was captivated by the images and took it upon himself to research tsunamis, so by 7:15 this morning he had many tsunami facts to discuss with me. Pre-caffeine. I love that child but oh god. The images are just so sad and so scary - and it happened so fast. With all the drama in my life, it gives me pause to remember how lucky I am. No matter how hard my life hurts me right now.
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I'm watching someone I care deeply for implode. I am utterly powerless in this mess. I want to take control, be strong, help - but how can you help someone who rejects every effort you put forth? How do you care for someone who believes they deserve nothing?
'Oh how good is it to live, with nothing left to give, forget but not forgive, my love is all you see....' <-- thank you Coldplay for my anthem for the day.
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Weird night out drinking. 'nuff said. Maybe formed a new connection with someone who will understand me.
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