adrenaline junkie

In my long list of personality flaws and personal problems - adrenaline junkie, in a non-traditional sense - may be one I tend to overlook.

I thrive on being overbusy and overcrazed. Until I crash and burn.

I had this realization today at work - not that it's anything new, but the series of events reminded me.

We released a brand-new system 4 weeks ago now. Painfully. Over some seriously strenuous objections (because we so were not ready) by my department. Now I am not 100% on that project but I am a SME (subject matter expert for the non-nerd folks) so I am involved in varying degrees. Things have come to a head post-release in the last week or so. It's just not working well. The business users - a group that generally (and sometimes understandably) does not enjoy let alone embrace change - are feeling very frustrated. Their frustration and anxiety is causing them to work against the system. It's just a mess.

So that's got me pulled in one direction.

Then, in an effort to support said new system, I have been trying to overhaul one of my limp-along, piece of crap systems. The data in this system feeds the new system and the data is, well, crap. Let's call a spade a spade here people. The data is complete shit. So I have spent the better part of the last year coming up with a variety of ways to de-stink it. It's slow-going and it's like chasing water uphill - you can't do it, since it's a living, breathing, actively-used system itself.

Needless to say, the shittiness of the data in this system is impacting the new system in a negative way. And every time it does, my phone rings and my email bings and suddenly I'm back up over 200 unreads.

But beyond that - I implemented several overdue mass clean-ups this weekend - knowing full well that one of them in particular would cause more chaos to erupt. I warned the team impacted and I prepared the two junior members of my team to handle these eruptions.

AND ERUPT IT DID!

And thus began the issues we had to address and the constant bitching despite the warnings and heads-up I provided.

So fine.

The junior members were assigned the issues. And had question after question after question (I SCRIPTED OUT HOW TO HANDLE THEM!!) and did too much research and then, in my truly crowning moment, complained in our staff meeting about how many they had.

Note - I then went back to my desk and handled the same number they had handled all day. In one hour. ARGH! I realize I'm more experience but come on people.

I trained them again and reminded them that we are servicing our customers but we are NOT hand-holding them or guessing about data when it is not provided. Really? REALLY?

This was my day.

So when I finally decided I was done around 5:30 and walked out - it took me a few minutes to realize that my breathing had changed. I wasn't panting out of exhaustion. I was suddenly tired, hungry, and my tonsils (which ache but seemingly only at night) were bothering me after being "fine" all day.

And it unnerved me! Until I realized - uh duh - I was coming off the adrenaline high fueled by stress.

I have a problem. As much as all that chaos drives me up a friggin wall - some fucked up part of me loves it, thrives in it, needs it.