and the merry-go-round spins

It's funny - I was sitting here thinking that it's only 8:37pm and only Monday and I'm already exhausted when I realized - "only" is a qualification that really ought not apply to my life right now. My child turns 8 in 2 months. He just moved up to his 4th level in swim. My days are the morning run-around, 8, 9, 10 hours of work, an hour at the gym on a good day, home, dinner, keeping the house from looking like a bomb went off - maybe time for "me" in there. Lather rinse repeat. Phew. This is what my Mom meant when she said that kids make your life fly by. Crap. She had 3 of us. I'm amazed she's still sane.

It's been too long since I've been in here and I was wondering why. I think part of it is that I'm feeling too introspective. That seems odd, doesn't it? I guess my guarded self (and I am extremely guarded) isn't entirely comfortable airing my deep, dark thoughts and, more relevantly, worries here. I have a private diary in which I do that - and I've done a bit of that but honestly, I've mostly just stuffed things.

This is a mistake, and I can tell it's taking its toll. My morning stomach ache is worse than normal and seems to last well past my normal morning snack time. My jaw is achy in the mornings. I feel disjointed and a little moodier than usual. It's not good. I haven't had enough gym time - which will sometimes balance out my inability to deal with my feelings - either.

I was told the other day that I am "complicated". This came from a very good friend with whom I've been having some issues recently. And it's spot-on true. I don't think I was being particularly complicated in the context with which I was called that (actually, I was being rather clear and forthright and reacting like most any relatively sensitive person would) - but I know that I'm complicated in general and I SUSPECT the comment was more broad-sweeping and less about the conversation at hand.

In any event, I feel like I have a lot going on in my heart and head right now, and I'm struggling to sort it all out. Is this what being an adult is? Perpetual over-thinking and confusion?!?!?!