poison ivy...how I hate thee

I have poison ivy. Again.

Let's back up. Despite playing the woods on a very very regular basis (read: all the time) as a kid, I somehow managed to avoid getting the scourge that is poison ivy until my senior year of high school. That year, during my last cross country season, my teammates and I managed to find a patch of it, sit in it (HOW? I know what it looks like!), and all get it on our thighs - front and back. That was "fun" - especially since we weren't allowed to wear shorts to school before June 1st (I love archaic rules like that)...so I had to wear skirts...which really was a fact enjoyed immensely by the lovely math teacher that liked to sexually harass me...

...but I digress.

Since then, I've had poison ivy half a dozen times or so. With one exception, I have always gotten it on my legs - usually the upper legs. And by that I mean, yeah, I get it on my ass.

Now...despite my mother teasing me today to the contrary, I don't go in the woods naked these days. Let's keep in mind Hubby's aversion to bugs, woods, and anything related to the out of doors unless it involves his running with his Garmin watch.

Yet somehow...starting on Monday, I noticed a tell-tale itchiness on my hip...

...and now...it's Saturday, and I have about 12-14 dots of poison ivy - on my hip and ass.

GEEZ. That's "pretty".

Where the hell did I get the poison ivy this time? I remember gardening on Saturday. GARDENING. In the YARD. I know where the poison ivy is in my yard because the last time I got it - the only time it wasn't on my ass - was in the yard. I was nowhere near that spot of yard, I avoid it like the plague.

I'd love to know where I got it this time. It's driving me crazy. But alas, I have no clue.

What I do know is this.

- Aloe vera gel intended for sunburns cools off poison ivy itchies.
- Calomine lotion rocks.
- The makers of Ivarest have a good marketing team who smartly buried the "warning - may stain clothing" note only on the INSIDE of the boy, thereby allowing them to get my $6.99 today...and now I am trying to figure out how I can use the stuff - which got GREAT ratings online - on said itchy ass cheek and somehow not get it on any clothing or other fabrics (read: sheets, furniture, etc).

CURSES.

I'm going to go eat a brownie and slater my ass with my aloe vera gel. Argh.