lonely tonight

That sensation that you are lonely when you're not actually alone really sucks.

In a sense, I am alone tonight.  Kidlet has been in bed since 8:30 - and Hubby has been snoring on the couch since 9:15. 

But it's Friday night!  I worked my ass off this week - it was crazy stressful and, while I am emotionally and mentally fried, I'm not physically tired.  It bugs me that I'm alone.  I don't begrudge Hubby his sleep - he works out so damn much I'm amazed he's ever awake - and my kid NEEDS to be sleeping.  But if I'm the only one awake, why am I sitting here watching "House Hunters" feeling antsy and fidgety when I probably could be out having a glass of wine with a girlfriend?  Because I feel guilty?  Because every time I go out, there is some sort of drama or mess I have to clean up afterwards?  Who the hell knows.  Maybe I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.  I am such a self-indulgent dork sometimes.

In other news - I have turned the heel on my sock and am working on the foot.  HOORAY!  I was thinking about THE SOCK today on my way home from work (again with the dorkiness) and I realized that, while I seem to have been working on the damn thing FOREVER, after all my stops and starts, it's only been a couple of months.  Considering I definitely do not work on it every night, and didn't even turn the heel until after our vacation 2 weeks ago - not too shabby.  I hope to finish it soon.  But whether or not I'll make the mate - who knows?  One of my knitting friends said that the 2 socks at one thing isn't too hard - but this is my first sock!!  So I told Kidlet that I'd make him a pair to go wih his tie-dyed socks as his "wierd socks" for school - at least his socks will be a little smaller.  Plus, they won't be tall socks like this one is. 

I have been listening to music like a crazy person recently - I always do but I have a huge Excel mess I have to work on at work right now, and I'm really NOT supposed to be interrupted (or get distracted), so I've been plugging my iPod all day.  One of the artists I'm really enjoying right now is Damien Rice.  The piano in his songs is beautiful and his lyrics are phenomenal.

I wish I could write lyrics like this - I could never come with the music behind it, I don't think, but I could play it.  I miss music.  How the hell does an old, tired, 36 year old mother reconnect with that 14 year old who couldn't practice her flute enough, and wanted to learn other instruments?  I miss that immensely - I started learning piano when I got pregnant, but there just aren't enough hours in the day.  See above - I can't even get myself enough time to exercise regularly or knit a freakin' sock - let alone play piano.  Maybe I'll come back as a musician in my next life.

One of the songs I really like, for reasons I can't even begin to think about, let alone explain at this time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELTVP4aqWAI

Another amazing one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ1_RhaJznc

And if you're pissed - this is a good one.  LOL.  It came on at quite the appropriate time at work today, and saved my incompetent co-worker from losing a limb - or his life.  Obviously, this song is certainly not about some jackass who can't figure out that when someone emails you for a status on an outstanding issue, they don't want you to tell them it's outstanding (REALLY???) - it's about hurting and ending - but nevertheless, the force of his f-bombs is quite fabulous for any sort of angst or frustration.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rndltmm3oE