retail therapy lends a temporary hiatus

I had a big decision to make today. Wednesdays in our house (for another month anyway) are late karate night, so the boys don't get home until 7:15 or so. This leaves it as "my" time after work. Of course, I usually work too late and then go to the gym and collapse at home 5 minutes before they arrive.

But my friend J wanted to go shopping tonight...it was a dilemma...I needed some gym time...but retail therapy, it beckoned me. She did a tiny amount of arm-twisting (LOL not really) and I decided the retail experience was better for my soul.

And, for that hour and a half, it was. We laughed at some crazy-ass clothes (a short, pleather, Members Only-type jacket was one of the highlights) and talked about the crazy bitches at work and just overall relaxed. I even found a friggin cool Marvin the Martian shirt for the little goober!

I needed the distraction. I'm back inside my own head again. Remember the grid, the one with the open boxes?

I'm filling them in. It's not good.

I'm mostly fine at work. I only get inside my head if I have a quiet few moments (which is very rare) - and I try to stop because I don't have the luxury of wasting time being distracted and introspective. But when I walk out that door - there it goes again. The whole ride home. I'm better again once home...until my boys go to sleep (and yes, despite not being true twins, they often go to sleep at the same time, LOL).

So here I am again. 9:26, American Idol is on, and I'm inside my head. Trying to answer the who, what, when and, most importantly, why and what's next - to things that probably have no answers.

I need to shut my head off and just BE. I just don't know how.

Maybe it's that I've been at this life cross roads for, what, 4 years now? It's about time I pick a direction...