dolls, a life crisis, and thump

My exercise for today:
- Tugged heartstrings
- Flexed brain muscles
- Pride swallowed
- Knee crushed

The last one was physically the absolute worst. I bounded into a meeting that I was running and was not 100% prepared for, sat down in the closest chair, turned around and met the table leg head-on with my knee. That made for a "fun" first 5 minutes of the meeting while I tried to put some coherent thoughts together and verbalize them while simultaneously choking back tears.

It was just one of those days. I'm just going through something I don't really want to get into right now, and some days are more of a struggle than others. Yesterday was ok - I was moderately even-keeled. Today I was cracked. I hope tomorrow evens out again. One way or the other, I am disheartened to see that at 36 I may be knee-deep in a midlife crisis.

On a happy note, I did take some deep cleansing breaths today and actually jumped in feet-first to being my own personal self-advocate in terms of my career.

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I'm disjointed. My other topic of conversation this evening - dolls.

Ok I have issues. Dolls scare me. A LOT. Like super scary scary.

So I recently was driving to work and I saw a car that distressed me. Said car - and I did a double-take and nearly drove off the road to confirm this - has two shoe boxes in its back window. Each contains a dolls. Fuckers scared the shit out of me. I shook my head when I saw this car and hoped I would never see it AGAIN.

Tonight I was on my way home from work, feeling sorry for myself and wondering why people don't seem to be able to give even 50% to me, and contemplating how the knife that seems to be repeatedly stuck in my back can be thrown far, far away, when I saw it. Out of the corner of my eye.

THE DOLL CAR. AGAIN.

Geez I hate dolls.