New England weather, frankly, is kicking our ass these last 2 weeks. First, last week, it was 30 - no that's not a typo, it says thirty - inches of snow. Now starting in the wee hours of this morning, snow that changed to sleet by 6am or so...resulting in 2.5 inches of solid ice/slush by 4pm.
Needless to say, the powers that be in our school district - and pretty much every single one across the state - closed school. Again. The kids were out 2 days last week (one of which we were closed as a company - not that that meant anything for me, I spent 7 hours on the phone). Now they were out today. And in light of the heavy ice on the trees outside and the plummeting temps, they may be out again tomorrow.
Today, I was not feeling motivated to brave the treacherous roads, especially when Hubby called me before 6am (he goes in to the gym early) to tell me they were "really really bad". So G and I stayed home. Of course, nothing is that simple. I am in training - again - this week. It started today - 10-2. Ah...4 solid hours of training on the phone with a bored, oversugared, too-long-in-the-house almost 9 year old.
Nothing says "shitty mom" better than what I did, which was ploy him with letting him watch his favorite movie ("Zoom Academy") in my bed, snacks in hand. That covered the first 2 hours of training. The second two, to his credit, he read and played in his room and watched a bit of "Tom and Jerry".
But when I was done, he said "Mom, let's do something together." Hello - broken heart. Now I know my son and I know he knows I wasn't neglecting him on purpose. He knew I had to work and he knew that meant limited Mom/G time.
I still feel - felt? - bad. Horrible. I suck.
I only had an hour after my last class before my next meeting (yes I have a punishing schedule) so we spent in hanging out, wrestling, and working on the extra credit part of his project due next week.
Nothing about motherhood is simple. On days like this, in moments like this, I want to take those women who say that motherhood "comes naturally" to them or "isn't that hard" and slap them.
Hard.
They are not the only people currently waiting for my rage and frustration, but they may be at the top of the list.
In other "fun", apparently while on my training call, I missed one hell of a staff meeting. In classic form for our department, our boss didn't exactly take control - instead, the bossy senior member of the team did, barking orders and criticisms at everyone. She's a real peach sometimes - I do get her perspective, we're floundering as a team and sorely lacking in attention/organization/staff, but COME ON. She needs to get bent sometimes. So...yeah...she needs some slapping, too.
I'll try to keep the rest of my ire to myself. I am quite frustrated and a little sad and bewildered right now - lost perhaps. Who the hell said adulthood was easy? Who said that once you had friends, they'd be there - that life would be free and easy and unfettered.
Adult life is complicated and confusing and tattered and angst-filled at times.
Like now.
Geez, what the hell?
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