meltdown

My most recent craptastic poem was inspired by a minor - major? - meltdown I had this past weekend.

I've mentioned that I'm not exactly in a good place right now emotionally.

Work is absolutely kicking my ass.  I'm not sure where I stand there, I feel very backed into a corner with my career path, and nothing ever slows down.  I'm great at my job but it's no wonder, I've been doing the damn thing for years.  If I'm as great as people insist I am, why is it that my peers both inside and out of the company seem to move along to bigger and better things, while I get my same crappy raises and my extra 50 million projects dumped in my lap because "Oh Andrea we know you'll get them done - you're awesome".  Hey and a big fuck you to you too - I may be awesome but how about you show me some other way?!?!?!

I'm having friend problems.  For now - that's enough on that topic only to say that they bring me to tears on a too-regular basis.  This is nothing new in my life, but this most recent one is with someone unexpected and sucks.

I feel a lot of pressure about being the good girl in general - I feel like I'm disappointing people, myself included, left and right, and I hate it.

So on Saturday, I had a big old meltdown over it.  And now I feel simultaneously bad - like I failed everyone for having a tantrum like a 3 year old - and good - because maybe, just maybe, I can be viewed as, perceived as - HUMAN rather than some prodigal golden girl.

I had a big long rant after this but stupid Blogger ate it - AGAIN.  Fuckity fuck fuck I give up.